How did it get here? I mean it was bad for a long time, but not like this. Everytime I told myself ‘’It can’t get worse’’, it actually did. One tiny hope I had, maybe I’ll be happy, maybe this could work. Maybe I deserve love.
Kicked me right down.
You once said ‘’hope dies last…but it also dies’’, you were right on the mark. Now that I think about it, you always knew that we weren’t gonna work. You always knew, you didn’t want a relationship, so you just held on to me, till something else came along. It was always bound to fail. Everytime I wanted to run away from you, everytime I wanted you to finally make the decision. I told you ‘’I can’t just fu*k around anymore’’ and you didn’t wanna hurt me, so you agreed.
How the hell did I still end up hurt? So much more.
What was it that made you do it?
How was it okay for you, hurting me like that? In the process also making me question who I am. I lost myself. All because I gave you everything.
So much I wanna say, I’m feeling blocked. I don’t even know myself anymore. I changed a lot, since I met you. Changed my lifestyle and routines, just so I could fit yours. This fu*ked me up. You should be here. You can’t just disappear. I don’t wanna forget you.
How am i so mad at you, but so in love with you?
